no "me" time

today, i have officially started reviewing for the UP Namnama Sirib Quiz Show. But what we do all day is chat. Daphne, Faye, Valerie and I were talking about films. and somehow, I was stunned to see myself do less of the talking. I was even stunned when Valerie said "ala, ate ayi, bakit ka ganyan? last year, ang dami dami mong alam pag dating sa mga movies"

At that moment, I realized how much my attention shifted. From movies-internet-culture-arts-music-writing to books-school-books. Last year kasi, I had time for the crazy fun stuff. I had time to watch movies. I had time to read teen-romance and/or contemporary lit books. I had time to listen to the radio or watch myx or channel V. I was a full-time Tv-viewer. pero ngayon, i don't really get that much time to enjoy my life. i always worry. Every minute, I'll be like "ala, kelan ko kaya gagawin ung thesis ko? kelan bang submission nun? ala! may project pa pala sa physics! kelan kaya namin gagawin un?? eh, plano nga lang, wala kami. ay teka. yung sa social studies pa pala may case study! tungkol saan na nga ba un? ha! may quiz sa Org Chem? eh, wala naman ako ng isang linggo, anong alam ko dun? ha! exam na next week?bakit ang bilis!"

I never thought that senior life would be hell. Akala ko pa naman pa-easy-easy na lang ako pag HS senior na ako. yung bang tipong hinihintay mo na lang mag-graduate ka

kaya kayo, readers of my blog (kung meron man), kung inaakala nyong masaya ang fourth year high school life, nagkakamali kayo! kung inaakala nyong patapos na yung paghihirap nyo, well, ang totoo nyan, nagsisimula pa lang.

basta. naiinis ako. kasi hindi ako nakpagsasaya. kailangang kasing maging seryoso ngaun. di pwedeng magpakasaya. bawal ang mag-trip. bawal maging "high". kasi isang kamali mo lang, ang laki na ng epekto. Kung di ko lang kailangan ng scholarship sa college at kung wala lang akong utang sa mama ko, di naman ako ganito magpapakatino eh. mahirap kasi ung pilit kang gumagawa ng mga bagay ng hindi naman talaga gustong gawin



P.S. Naiwan pala si Nathan (ung LCD monitor ko) sa samsung service center sa dagupan. miss ko na sya. ang sakit sa mata nitong lumang monitor ko (wala syang pangalan eh). sana maayos na si Nathan by Saturday pra makuha na namin sya. Minsan ang baliw baliw ko talaga. Pati mga materyal na bagay binibigyan ko ng pangalan.